


Why Weren't You Here For Me?

by Raingle



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Little Brother Robert, M/M, back from the dead, long lost brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raingle/pseuds/Raingle
Summary: Maybe if I had a big brother, things would have been a bit different…I might have been different.------------------------------------------------------------Robert gets a big shock when a surprise visitor, one that he thought he would never see again, comes back...





	1. Chapter 1

Roaming down the street of Emmerdale, he didn’t know anybody around.  The whole place had changed.  There was nothing he could make out.  He didn’t think anybody from his life at the village would be here.  They probably all moved on ages ago.  He decided to take a look over the cemetery, see who was there.

He went along the place.  He caught sight of a gravestone, it read:

In Loving Memory of

Sarah Sugden

(Nee Connolly)

25th March 1952 – 16th November 2000

Wife of Jack

And devoted mother of

Robert, Andy and Victoria.

 

Oh my god, Sarah had died.  He didn’t know that.  She would be over sixty by now.  She died seventeen years ago.   Robert…poor Robert.   She must have taken the mother role with him.  Andy?  Victoria?  They must be her other kids.   He took a further look through the graveyard, he stood by the graveside of Jack Sugden.   Tears rolled down his cheeks.  He went further down the graveyard and saw the gravestone of Pat Sugden.

“Hello mum, I'm back.  How are you doing?”  He knelt down.   “It’s been a while, hey.  I’ve come back to see my baby brother.  Well, he’ll be like thirty now, won’t he?   I’ll make sure he remembers you, mum.  Cos I’ll always love you, even if I did act a pain sometimes.   Oh, how much I wish you were still here.  This is for you.”  He laid a flower on the bed of old dated flowers, all dead.  This would be the first fresh flower in years. 

He went around and saw another familiar gravestone –Seth Armstrong.   “How you doing, old timer?   I missed you too.”    His Uncle Joe probably is dead by now.  He wondered if Kathy was still around.  He didn’t remember her for years.   He still loved her, but she probably moved on by now. 

“Hey!”   A woman got his attention. 

He turned around.   “What?” 

“What are you doing here?” 

“It’s not private land, is it?  And it’s a free country last time I checked.” 

“Mouthy, aren’t we?”   She smiled.   “Sorry to bother you.   I was just here to put some flowers on my mother’s grave.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”  He gave a sympathetic smile.   

“It’s alright.”  She walked over to the grave, he followed, curious.

It was Sarah Sugden’s gravestone.   He started to stutter with shock – this woman was his sister.   “A-are y-you Jack Sugden’s daughter?” 

She looked puzzled at him.   “Yeah.  What is it to you?”

“Just curious, that’s all.” 

“I’m Victoria.  And yeah, I’m Jack Sugden’s daughter.” 

“Hey Victoria…nice name.”  He got her to smile as he did.   “Can you tell me where the pub is?”

“Just up, right in the middle.  You won’t miss it.  There’s a big sign and it’s big.” 

“Thanks.”  He started to walk to it.

Meanwhile, Robert and Aaron were sitting in the corner of the pub, tucked away in a booth.  

“Where’s Victoria?  The food isn’t as good.   And Marlon’s off.”

“Oh, Vic has gone to mum’s grave to put some flowers on.   She’ll be back soon.” 

“Why didn’t you go?”  Aaron asked, concerned.

“It’s sometimes hard to remember, you know…that night.  I’ll go tomorrow and put some on.  If you don’t mind coming with me.” 

Aaron put his hand on Robert’s arm.   “You can talk to me anytime if you need it.  You should let someone in.” 

“Not today, Aaron.   It’s just hard remembering it.   But if you don’t mind coming to the grave later.  The anniversary’s the worst day for me, it hits me the most hardest.   You know what I mean.” 

“Yeah, it’s the same with Jackson.  Birthdays and his death.” 

Robert smiled, sympathetically.    “Thanks Aaron.” 

“We’re married.   It’s in the vows.” 

“Well, not properly yet.  We could do it soon.” 

“Yeah, book it with Harriet if you want.   Well, I’m not going to Las Vegas for it.”  Aaron smirked.

“I can’t believe we were actually going to do that. It must have been a spare of a moment thing.” 

“Yeah.” 

 Just then, the pub door opened to reveal a familiar face to Robert.   Aaron saw the shocked and worried expression on his face.

“Are you alright, Robert?”  He asked, concerned.

Robert didn’t reply, he just looked at the new arrival.   “Jackie…”

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Robert stood up and walked over in a trance.  He hadn’t seen his big brother since he was three and barely harboured any memories of him.  He could barely make out what he looked like.  He did think, especially when he was exiled from the village, what it would have been like to have a big brother, would he have turned out a bit better?  Somebody to talk to would have helped.  He didn’t know members from his real mother’s side of the family.  They all abandoned him.  Kathy, that was who his brother was married to.  That is why they were so close.

Jackie tried to smile.   “Hey, little bro.  Well, not so little now.” 

Aaron stood behind him, shocked.  He had heard that Robert had an older brother, but they hardly talked about him.   “Hey, Rob, do you want to go back to the Mill and talk about this?” 

Robert nodded, quickly, still shocked by the unexpected arrival. 

 “So, explain to me, please?”  Robert said once he sat down, a bit calmer now.

“You think I died in a shooting accident, didn’t you?  Well, I didn’t.” 

Robert shook his head.

“Robert, please listen to me.  The last thing I want is for us for fight.  We’re brothers.”

“What does that matter to you? It isn’t just me you left.  You left your wife, the farm and your family.” 

“Mum was dead.  Sandie was going through a rough patch and she was planning to leave and you had a new mother and my marriage was in a bit of a state.  I didn’t fake it if that’s what you mean.  I was shot, I survived and I couldn’t come back.  I didn’t know who I was, where I lived.  Started afresh and it came to nothing.   I remember my family and I wanted to come back.  This is where I belong.  It’s the countryside, I could never get settled in a big city, you know.” 

Robert knew how he felt.  In his decade away, he never felt like he was at home ever, but he had to put up with what he had.   “So, how did you get away?” 

“I was shot.  Some people found me and took me into hospital, I had concussion, couldn’t remember a thing.  It took ten years to get my memory back.  It happened in little stages.  My body was found, but it wasn’t mine.  I don’t know who identified it.” 

“Kathy did.  She was distraught.  She was breaking down in the living room, I was there, Jackie.  They were all crying, dad, grandma, Uncle Joe and Kathy.  Seth was wrecked with guilt, blaming himself.  I looked into the room and all I could hear was cries.   Mum broke the news to me, I was crying my heart out for the whole night.  Although, I couldn’t talk much…it still hurt, it hurt like hell.  The funeral was worse.” 

“I’m so sorry, Robert…bro.”  He tried to touch his shoulder, but Robert flinched away.

“It doesn’t matter.  You weren’t here for your family...for me.”   With that, he got up and stormed out, tears streaming down his face.

Aaron tried to go after him, but he was too fast as he got into his car and sped away, fast.   Jackie walked behind him, trying to figure out where his little brother had gone.  Aaron stood, quietly, not knowing what to say to him. 

“Are you a friend then?”  Jackie asked, trying to smile.

Aaron didn’t know what to say.  Luckily, Vic came down the drive with some food.   “Do you want me to cook for you and Rob tonight?”

“No thanks, Vic.  I’ve got to be somewhere.”  He got into his car and sped off, trying to find Robert, worried for his safety. 

Victoria stayed, confused by where Aaron was headed and most importantly, where was her brother?  She thought they went to the pub.    She looked to the man placed in front of her, he seemed familiar somehow, like she had seen him in a photo somewhere.

“Who are you?”  She asked, then suddenly she remembered.   “You’re that man from the graveyard.  What are you doing here?” 

He wasn’t concentrating on her.   “Sorry…”

“Are you one of my brother’s clients?”   Vic asked, folding her arms.   “Did you not give him the deal he wanted?  He isn’t very het up about stuff like that, but it’s kind of his mother’s anniversary, maybe you should leave it for another day.” 

“Will he be ok?”  He asked, concerned.

“Yeah, Aaron’s gone after him.   I’d go and leave it for another day, though.” 

“This can’t wait.”    He said, leaving Vic confused.

Just then, Diane came down the drive.   “I was just coming to see if Robert was alright.  I know it’ll be a hard day for him.  Maybe me, you, him and Aaron could have a meal at the B&B, it’ll be nice.” 

She clocked Vic’s mood by her facial expression and saw the man placed in front of her.  She knew him, the face seemed familiar.  But, oh no, it couldn’t be, could it?  It was the spitting image of him.  She could see her late husband’s face in him and Robert’s for that matter.   “Jackie…is that you?”   She hoped to be received by a confused look, but she wasn’t.

He stood there, head down.   “Yeah, I am.” 

Victoria suddenly knew him from family albums.   “You’re my dad’s oldest son.  But I thought you were dead.”   She gasped.

“We could go somewhere and I can explain.  But I need to know my brother’s ok first.  I couldn’t bare if anything has happened to him because of me.” 

“Look, why don’t you come to the pub with us, pet?  Aaron will sort him out.  And maybe you can give us some answers because we all need to know.” 

Jackie reluctantly followed them to the B&B, but they needed answers too.  He didn’t know who the old lady was, maybe a family friend or probably his dad’s wife.  He didn’t really care, but he wanted to get to know the sister he never knew.  She looked like she was in her 20s at least, but he couldn’t say. 

He took a seat while Diane went to get some drinks for them.   “You must be Sarah’s daughter.  You’re the spitting image of her.” 

“Yeah, I am.  You’re Robert’s full brother, aren’t you?  Same mother.”  She smiled. 

“What about Andy?  I went to your mother’s grave and saw his name.” 

“Oh, that’s our adopted brother.  He isn’t here at the moment.  Left Summer last year.   His kids, Sarah and Jack, go to visit him.  But he’s made a nice life for himself in Spain.” 

He nodded, not really interested.   “Right.”  He just wanted to make sure Robert was alright.

Diane brought back three coffees.   “Have this?  Eric will be back soon.” 

“Eric?  As in Eric Pollard?”  He asked.

She had a confused look on her face.  “Yeah, it is.  Why?  Do you know him?”

“Yeah, he was in the village before I ‘died’.”    He explained.   He started to tap his foot on the ground.  “Do you think Robert will be alright?” 

“He’s a fighter, Jackie.  I’m sure he’ll be ok.”   Diane said, not sure at what her stepson will be like.

Meanwhile, Aaron was speeding down the country roads, having an idea of where his husband might be.   He was worried about him; he needed to make sure he was ok and have a chat with him, before he did anything stupid. 

He soon came to a halt when he saw Robert leaning over a fence, looking across at a farm…


	3. Chapter 3

 

He got out the car, carefully and quietly, trying not to interrupt Robert or shock him.   He needed to be careful and needed to approach the subject slowly.   He walked, carefully, over to the fence and leaned on it right next to Robert. 

“Are you alright, Rob?”  He asked, softly.

Robert looked to him, it looked obvious that he had been crying, Aaron could tell.   “This, Aaron, is Emmerdale Farm.  This is where I was born and where I lived for the majority of my childhood.”  He showed it to him.

“It looks nice.”   Aaron smiled.   “A bit abandoned though.  Does anybody live there.” 

He shook his head.   “No, nobody hasn’t lived in here for ten years.  I came back once after my dad’s funeral to have a little look and a little cry.  I was nearby anyway.” 

Aaron stroked his husband’s arm to show support.   “I’m so sorry, Robert.” 

“What for?”  He looked confused. 

“About your brother…” 

“Andy?  He’s in Spain.”

“No, Jackie, I mean.   I’m sorry for his reappearance.   If you want to talk about it, you can…anytime.  None of this is your fault, you know.”  Robert shook his head at him.   “Robert, you’ve got to believe me.  It’s his.” 

“Maybe if I’d be a better brother, he might have stuck around.”  He began to cry again.   “Everybody that’s supposed to love me, gives up on me…dad gave up on me, Diane encouraged him to have nothing to do with me.  As much as she’s been good to me and she’s been like a second mother, when Andy was disowned for shooting dad, she was crying her heart out.  We all were and she was the trigger for getting them speaking again, not like I cared.   But when I was send away, she didn’t drop me a line, nobody did.  I could’ve been dead and they just got back on with life.  I was broken when I was by myself.  Maybe if I had a big brother, things would have been a bit different…I might have been different.  I think a bit like that with my mum, you know what I mean.” 

“Robert, you can’t change who you are.  But I’ll tell you who you are…the bravest and loyalist to your family man I have ever known.  You’re amazing!  And I love you.  Look, how you helped me through the trial and you stood by me.  If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here.  You took on Liv like she was your own sister and I know she wasn’t easy at first, but you did it for me.” 

“Liv is like my sister though.   She means a lot to me, like you do.”  He smiled, through his crying.

He started to cry again and put his hand to wipe his tears and cover his red, puffy eyes.   Aaron pulled him into a hug.  “Come on.” 

Robert leaned on him and cried.  He soon let go off Aaron’s safe clutch and wiped his tears.   “I’ve got to get back to the village.  Too many memories here of what things used to be like.  When I wasn’t a disappointment to my dad and Jackie was there for me.” 

“Are you sure you want to go back?”  Aaron asked.  “We can go somewhere for a drive if you want to chat.” 

“No thanks, Aaron.  I want to see my sister.  She deserves an explanation, I saw her coming down the street while I was driving away.”   He said, going over to his car.   “We better drive separately.” 

“Are you sure?  I can leave my car here.  I’m worried about you, Robert.” 

“I won’t do anything stupid if you’re worried about that.  You can follow me.  These roads aren’t that busy anyway.  That’s what I loved about this place: quiet and near to Emmerdale.”

“Ok then, Robert, if you’re sure.” 

“I’m hundred per cent sure.”   He got into his car and drove away with Aaron following right behind him.

They soon pulled up outside of the Mill.   “Where’s Jackie then?” 

“Do you want to go and see him?”  Aaron asked.  

“He really needs to know that I’m ok.   I don’t want to stress him.”  He said.

“He’s in the B&B with Vic and Diane.   But that’s if you’re sure you want to go.” 

“Thanks for all your support, Aaron.”  He smiled, kissing him.

“Anything for you.  We’re married.  We share each other’s problems.” 

Robert smiled as he walked down the street to the B&B.  It felt like the longest walk of his entire life.   Aaron was right behind him.   He soon got to the B&B and knocked, not barging in like he normally would.

Diane answered.  “Robert…are you ok now?” 

He nodded.   “Yeah, I think so.  Can I see him?” 

She opened the door wide open so he would come in, which he did with Aaron following.   He saw his brother on the other side of the table with Victoria sitting opposite of him.  His brother was smiling with relief that he was okay.

He walked to the table and sat down next to Vic.  Aaron stood beside him, offering comfort of the newfound situation.  

“So, are you alright, Robert?”  Jackie asked, relieved that he didn’t do anything stupid.

Robert looked up from the table.   “What do you think?  Course I’m not alright.  My brother, who I thought was dead for nearly thirty years, has come back.   What am I supposed to think?!”    He raised his voice to make his point clear.

Jackie bowed his head down, unable to face his little brother.   “Sorry for everything, Robert.  You’ve got to believe that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.  Please…” 

“How do I know that?  You’ve been away so long.  I don’t know if you’ve planned this.   If it wasn’t working for you, why didn’t you come back?” 

“I couldn’t.” 

“Course you could.” 

“You don’t understand what I went through.   I’m trying to make things right now.” 

“Don’t bother.   It’s too late now.  You had your chance thirty years ago, but you never took it.” 

Victoria could sense that her brother was distressed with Jackie being there.    “Look, why don’t you two leave it until the morning?  It’s getting late.” 

“Yeah, I think that’d be quite a good idea.”   Aaron backed her. 

Robert looked up to his husband.   “Can you take me home?” 

He nodded and smiled.  “Come on.” 

Diane piped up.   “Jackie, you better stay here for the night.  It’s getting dark and probably a bit late for getting home.” 

“Thanks…” 

“…It’s Diane.   And you’re welcome.”  

“Can you tell the relation you are?  I’m sorry for asking, it’s just I want to know.” 

Diane gave him a warming smile.   “I’m your dad’s wife, the last one before he died.   So, that makes you kind of like my stepson.   So, you’re definitely staying here since we’re kind of family.” 

Victoria walked over to the door, following Robert and Aaron.   “I don’t know what to say.   I don’t even know the man.  He died before I was even thought of.” 

Her brother pulled her into a hug.   “Come on, it isn’t your fault.  Do you want to come home with us?  We can leave Jackie packing.” 

She nodded and smiled to Jackie.   “Bye.”    She walked out.

He smiled back.  He turned to Robert, still smiling.  “Does your brother not get a goodbye from you?”  He joked on.

He was met by a stony glare from Robert.   “Only people I trust deserve them.”  With that, he stormed out with Aaron in tow, he smiled quickly to Jackie as he left.

Diane sat down on the table, on the other side of Jackie.   “Right, have you got your stuff with you?” 

“They’re in the car.” 

“Go and fetch them then.  I’ll get the room key and get the room sorted for you.” 

He went over to his car, which was parked outside of the B&B luckily.   He looked down to the Mill to see Robert and Aaron walking back.  He smiled to them, hoping that his little brother would see him.  It was too dark though.  Well, that was the excuse he put.  He couldn’t bare the fact his little brother wouldn’t be in the same room as him.

Just then, he heard a voice from behind him.   “Who are you?”  It sounded like an old gentleman.

He turned around.  “Oh, hello.  I’m just staying here for the night if that’s alright with you.” 

“Yeah, if Diane has booked you in.  I’m the other owner of the B&B, we work in partnership.”   The man smiled.  

The voice sounded familiar to him.   “Who are you?” 

“Eric…Eric Pollard if you must know.   Come on, get your bags and I’ll be inside.”    He went in.

Oh my god, it was Eric Pollard.  Hopefully, he wouldn’t recognize him.  It had been thirty years and he would have seen his fair share of people in the village.  The only people who would recognize him would be his family, he really hoped. 

However, his theories were proved wrong when he stepped into the brightness of the B&B. 

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?  Yeah, I think I do.  Like thirty years ago…Jack Sugden’s son.  But wait a minute…aren’t you supposed to be dead?” 

Diane quickly stepped in.   “Please Eric, can we leave it until the morning?  All that’s happening is that he’s staying here for a few nights.  He’s paying, what’s the problem?” 

“The problem is that he’s supposed to be dead, isn’t he?”  Eric did drop it and went to the desk to book him in.

Jackie smiled to her.   “Thanks Diane.” 

“No need.  You have a lot of explaining to do.  Your dad would be so disappointed in you.” 

His smile turned into a frown, a frown of sadness.   “I don’t really care what he would think.”   He walked up the stairs, without a further, leaving Diane confused: why was he so against Jack


	4. Chapter 4

 

Aaron woke up, the next morning, to see Robert was not next to him.  He knew he wasn’t since he had been restless for the past half an hour.  He slowly went downstairs to see where his husband has got to.  He was worried about him.  He didn’t want him going off if he was distressed. 

He was welcomed by the sight of Robert sitting on the table, looking through old albums, well that is what it looked like.   He walked quietly over.

However, Robert could hear the footsteps and quickly turned around, panicking for a second.

“Sorry.”  Aaron said, quickly.

“You’ve done nothing.”  He said as Aaron got a seat, next to him.

“What are you looking at?”  He asked, tentatively.

Robert looked up at him.   It was obvious that he had been crying.   “I shouldn’t really be looking.  But Vic lend me a photo album a few months back and after recent events, I needed to see what he used to look like.  What my brother used to look like!”   He started to cry again.

“Oh, Robert…”  He put his hand on his arm and stroked it to show comfort.    “…Talk to me about it.” 

He put his head in his hands and cried.  “Sorry, Aaron.  I don’t deserve this.  You know, I should be happy that my brother is alive again, but it brings back all the unwelcomed memories of…dad and that…and always feeling second best.” 

“Robert, you have nothing to be sorry for.  You hear me!”  He looked at the photo album – photos of Jackie and Robert together.   Robert looked really young, just turned two – a infant - and Jackie looked older.  There was another one of Jackie and a woman – his wife?   Obviously, they were cuddling into each other and there was Robert at the side of them, smiling straight to the camera.   “You look like a cute kid.”  He smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

Robert looked up and tried to smile, but Aaron could tell it was a struggle.   “Yeah, I wasn’t that bad.  I’m not that bad now, am I?” 

“No, I’ll give you 9/10.”  Aaron smirked and felt a playful slap on the arm. 

“Oi!”  Robert smiled and wiped his tears, but he still was really upset.

“Well, I could do 10/10 just for that kick.”  He kissed him. 

Robert did still look through the photo album, he was a bit calmer now.  He and Aaron looked through it together for ten minutes.  Until, Robert said he’d look at it later again.

At the B&B, Jackie was sitting, nursing his coffee.   He wasn’t thirsty; he couldn’t bare to do anything.   He didn’t hear Diane coming through the door.

She came buzzing through and went straight to Jackie.   “Hiya, how was your first night?” 

He turned to her.  He hardly got any sleep; he looked wrecked.   “Alright.”  He lied.

Diane took a seat.  “Are you going to try and make an effort with Robert today?  It might take time but he’ll forgive you.” 

“I don’t know, Diane.  He didn’t seem happy with me at all yesterday, and I don’t blame him.”  He said, sadly.  

“Well, there’s only you to blame for that.  But you can stay here for as long as you like.  It’s what your dad would want to be to do.   You should go to the grave today.  You haven’t seen his or your mother’s for years.  I could go with you, or maybe you could go with Robert.” 

“Can we stop talking about Jack?  I don’t really want to know about it.”  He snapped.  He could tell he had gone too far by her facial expression.   “Sorry Diane.  But can we just not talk about it.” 

“Ok then.  But he used to go on about you quite a lot.  He missed you.”  She went too far as Jackie got up, knocking the chair back and he stormed out of the door.   

He barged right past Eric, who was coming in.   “Wait a sec!   Come back!” 

Diane looked to him.  “Leave it, Eric.  He’s already done this.  He can pay for the damage.  His presence’s causing harm to everybody: I was really worried about Robert yesterday.  Aaron had to calm him down.  And with a mention of Jack: Jackie’s flying off the handle.  Jack didn’t say they had a bad relationship in the end.” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t push it so much, hey, Diane.  It’s obviously a sensitive matter for him.  Just leave him for the minute.”    Eric remembered him as a bit of a stupid lad, but not violent as such, unless they hurt him or his family.   He definitely reminded him of Robert.  Well, like brother, like brother as they say. 

Jackie stormed out and went past Victoria.  “Hey sis.  How you doing?” 

“Not good.  Diane has just texted me to say that you’ve just nearly destroyed the B&B.   She’s been nothing but kind to you.  You know dad would be so disappointed.”  She fired at him.

He walked away, completely ignoring her.   He went across to the park and started to kick the rubbish in anger and frustration.   Why did nobody understand him?  He knew why.  He had betrayed.  Maybe HE was right, he was better off away. 

A teenage girl passed him.  “Hey, watch it.” 

He turned around.  “Oh, sorry.  I was just…well, I don’t know, really.”

“Sorry to bug you.  But it just looks odd from where I’m standing.” 

“It’s odd for me.  I don’t know what’s happening.” 

He walked over and sat down on the swing.   “I don’t know…”  He muttered to himself.

Her better nature made her sit down next to him.  He looked distraught.  Broken.  A broken man.  He looked a lot like Robert, weirdly.  In fact, the spitting image of him, like a brother or cousin or something.

“What don’t you know?” 

“Don’t know what to do.  My family want nothing to do with me.” 

“Well, I’m not that good on advice.  I was up late last night when my brother decided to come back with Robert crying.” 

“Robert?” 

“Robert Sugden.  You probably heard off him.   Got shot a few years ago…all over the news.  Obviously, he survived.  Why?  Do you know him?”

“Yeah, you can say that again.  He’s my brother.”  He admitted, making Liv confused.

“You don’t look a thing like Andy.   And plus, I thought he wasn’t coming back.   Also, you look like twenty years older.” 

“I’m definitely not Andy.   I don’t even know him.  No, I’m Robert’s older brother.  I’m over fifty, so I’m quite a lot older than him.” 

“He doesn’t have another brother, does he?” 

“Yeah, he did.  I got shot years ago and everybody thought I was dead.” 

“Yeah right!”  She laughed.   “Like that happens all the time.” 

“No, seriously, whatever your name is.” 

“I’m Liv Flaherty.  Let’s hear your name, I might be able to comprehend what you’ve just told me.” 

“Hey, using words from literature.  Are you an intellectual or summit?” 

She laughed even more.   “No way!  Far from it.  I’m pretty thick come to that, good at art though.” 

He nodded.   “Maybe you can paint me a picture.” 

“Yeah, sometime.”   She smiled.   “What’s your name even?” 

“Jackie Merrick.  Does that ring a bell to you?” 

“No, not at all.   Nobody has never mentioned you.   But you do look a lot like Robert, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt for now, I guess.  Just can’t be bothered to fight it.” 

“Maybe you can put in a good word for me to my brother.   Saying I’ve been kind to you.” 

“Don’t think so.  Well, I could…at a price, though.” 

He smirked.   “Typical teenager, hey.   I was just like you when you were my age.” 

“Aaron’s been trying to calm down Robert all morning.” 

“Are they happy together?”  He asked out of the blue.

“What do you mean?” 

“They are together, aren’t they?   Anybody can see the spark between the two lads.  The way they stare into each other’s eyes, it must be love.” 

“At least, you can see it.  I keep on telling them, but they don’t listen to me.”    She explained, smiling.   “Anyway, I want to go to the art gallery on Saturday in York.  You can pay for it.”

“No way!” 

“I’ll make sure Robert comes to see you.” 

“You got it then.  Give him hints to go to the graveyard this afternoon.” 

“Right, deal.”  She put her hand out.

He took it.  “Thanks.” 

“Just try and make things right with him.  We’re kind of in-laws now.” 

“Guess so!  I better be setting off now.”    She went as Jackie smiled. 


	5. Chapter 5

 Liv stormed back into the Mill.   She was welcomed by the sight of Robert and Aaron eating breakfast.  She sat down next to them.

“I’ve got some stuff from the shop.”   She smiled. 

Aaron looked to her.   “You took your time.” 

“Like you care.   I think you two probably were too busy playing footsies to care.” 

He nudged her, smiling though.  “Hey, shut it you.”  

She smiled and turned to Robert.   “I’m worried.” 

“What about?  Are Little Mix not doing a concert this year?”  He smiled.

“No, nothing like that.  Can you pop somewhere with me, Robert?”

“Yeah, where?”

“Just wait and see!” 

He looked to Aaron, who just shrugged his shoulders.   “Yeah, I’ll come in a bit.”

“We need to go now.”

“Ok, if it’s that serious.”   He went with her.

She led him to the graveyard, making him even more confused.   “Liv, why are we here?”

“I need you to meet someone.”   She explained and he soon saw his older brother.

“Liv!  I don’t want to see him.  What’s he been saying?”

“He really wants to make things right with you.  Just speak to him, for me.   Please, Robert.”   She gave him puppy dog eyes.

He sighed.   “Alright then, Liv.  You win.”

She left him and he slowly walked over to his brother.  He slowly sat on the bench next to him, the tension was still there.

“Thanks for coming.”  Jackie piped up.

“I’m doing this for Liv, not you.  I’ll just make that clear.”

“But still, it’s nice that you’re here.”

“Right, what do you want to talk about?”   Robert didn’t even make eye contact with him.

“I was wondering if you wanted to visit our mother’s grave with me.  It would really mean a lot.  Please, Robert.”

“Pat’s?” 

“Yeah.”

Robert and him walked over to her graveside.   “Do you ever come here?”

“Yeah, sometimes.  I visit Sarah’s grave more.  I didn’t really know my real mother properly.  What was she like?”

“Nice.  Really kind.   She loved you, Robert.   I could tell.   You should’ve seen her when you were born, she was all over you like a rash.  But the world was cruel by taking her away.”  Jackie bowed his head, but raised it back up and looked at his little brother.   “What was Sarah like?”

“Like a mother.  She was lovely.  Always looked after all three of us, better than dad.”

“Yeah.  I didn’t really like her at first.  I tried to get her away from you for a while.  But I warmed to her.  She really was the perfect person to take the mothering role for you.   What happened to her?  You must have been fourteen.”

Robert turned away.   “She got caught up in a fire.” 

“Oh god, that sounds terrible.”

“I had to watch.  Me, dad and my other brother were outside trying to rescue her.  Well, dad was.  It was my brother who started the fire.  It wasn’t his fault.  He tried to do it for the insurance money and dad went to prison for him.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Robert.”

“Don’t be!   It isn’t your fault.”   He said, his voice breaking.   “Dad always preferred Andy to me because he was into farming and I wasn’t.  I had an affair with his wife, but I did love her.  Andy killed my mother and dad protected him.  I accidentally killed somebody in a car accident.  Me and Andy decided to play chicken and this man got caught up in it.  In my brother’s car and I got told to go away and never to come back, by my own father.”

“Oh god, Robert.  I should’ve been here to support you.”

“Yeah, you should’ve been.”   He snapped, spitefully.  He sighed.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I just don’t let bringing the past up.”

“I know exactly what you mean.  I didn’t know Jack was actually my real father at first, I thought it was this drunken sod and abusive man.  But it turns out mum tricked him into thinking I was his.   But I don’t think Jack wanted anything to do with her.  Too young to settle down, I think he said to her once.  I’ll always hate him for that.   That he wasn’t there like a father should’ve been.  A bit like you really.”

Robert nodded as he stared at his birth mother’s grave.   “Yeah.”

He quickly changed the subject. “So, when did you and your husband get married?”  He asked, smiling.

Robert shot a shocked look over to his brother.   “What?  How did you know he was my husband?  Did Liv say something?”

“No, I could see it from a mile.  The glances you do to each other – it’s like true love.  So, what is he like?”

“Aaron!  He’s kind, caring and loyal.  He’s very brave.  The things he’s been through in his short lifetime and he still finds the guts to get up in a morning.   And he helps everybody out.”

“It sounds like you’ve found your soulmate.”

“Yeah, I have.”   Robert nodded, just smiling thinking about his husband.

“Have you got any kids?”

He shook his head.   “No." Tears fell down his brow, Sebastian, he thought off.

He pulled his little brother into a hug.  

He wiped them.   “But me and Aaron are so happy now with his younger sister, Liv.  She is like a daughter to me.  I love her as she was my own.  Even though, she can be mischief.  But which teenager isn’t.”

“I know exactly what you mean.  When I was 21, I got knocked out by a bike by doing stupid things.  I nearly died.  I think that is when I warmed to Jack.” 

“The last time I saw you: I must have been what?  Three?”

“Yeah, it must have been.”   Jackie sighed.    “So, is Aaron your first boyfriend or have you had loads?”

“I thought you might have a problem with it.”  Robert bowed his head.

“Robert, why would I?  I’ve had plenty of gay or bisexual friends.  One even was my business associate.”

“It’s just because dad did.”   
“Did you come out to him or something?”

“No, I was fifteen.  There was this farmhand, after mum’s death.  I liked him and one day, we went to my room.   And we kissed, but dad walked in.  He sacked him and he leathered me.  Telling me what a disappointment I was to him if I wanted to be like that, his words.  I just hid it and then I met Aaron and I just…fell in love.  It was an affair at first.  But it got found out, I tried so hard to hide myself.  I’m now married and the happiest I’ve ever been in my life before.”  Robert had tears in his eyes, but wiped them away.

After a few minutes, Jackie piped up.   “I know what dad was like.  Diane keeps mentioning what a good man he was, but I know he wasn’t.  First, he abandoned me as a kid and I ‘die’.   Do you want to know the truth, Robert?  I did try to come back, but he stopped me.  I remember the exact words.  I told him I lost my memory.  I saw you helping out, I think it must have been Home Farm.  It was July 2002, I was just getting my memory back.  And I remembered you.   He told me that if I came back, he’d turn you against me and all the rest.  He even threatened to get me arrested, so I couldn’t stay.  I would end up in prison.  I tried to so hard to come back, but he stopped me.  I really missed you and even…him.  He told me I let Kathy down.  It was verbal abuse, saying what a disappointment I was.  I was left in tears, so I just went on a plane and went back home.  A few weeks ago, I found out he died in 2009, so I plunged up the courage to come back and see you and my family.  You must have been sixteen.”   He had tears down his face, same as Robert.   “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”  Robert looked up to him.

They hugged each other.  “Brothers?”  Jackie queried, tears spilling down his face.

“Brothers!”  Robert cried.   He buried himself in his brother’s coat, longing for comfort he craved his whole life…

 


End file.
